It’s the little things that keep me going…
I’m having to try very, very hard not to discharge myself right now. Perhaps rather naively, initially, when I came in here I thought that I would be out within four weeks… I’m now on week eight.
In my ward round last week I did something my therapist has been trying to get me to do for a while; I let Mima get annoyed and show her anger to the professionals. I voiced how much I wanted to discharge myself there and then; how I couldn’t bare this place any longer. Fortunately, all seven professionals in the room responded in the best way they could have and agreed to compromise. This means I finally have a glimmer of light at the end of what’s felt like a never-ending dark tunnel… they said that if I can keep making progress they will discharge me at my next ward round, on April 4th. Elated would be a vast understatement! Whilst that’s only three weeks away, every day in here seems to drag on for years. Having a firm goal to work towards, is certainly encouraging, but it doesn’t make the day to day grind of being in here any less painful.
However, what does make the days in here less painful are some of the other patients and staff, the little things they say or do. Take this afternoon for example; I got back to the ward from a nice lunch out with Mummy and Midge feeling pretty low, knowing that they’re now heading back home, to beautiful Owls Oast. They will be greeted by a very over-excited Mungo, and have the freedom to spend the rest of their evening however they wish. Meanwhile, I’m not greeted by anyone upon arriving back here, I return to my dark room, empty corridors, and locked doors. You can imagine how much this intensified my desire to discharge myself. BUT… when I went into the dining room for snack shortly after returning, it was the words of two of the nurses, Dorris and Fumi, that once again really picked me up.
As I went to sit down, Dorris and Fumi had big grins on their faces and asked me to come over, “You write nice things about me!” Dorris said. I was confused… ‘Your blog, MendingMima, you write nice things about me!’. I’ve not told them about this blog, so am not sure quite how they discovered it, but as Fumi said, ‘Aha! We know everything!’. I couldn’t stop myself beaming back; their big grins were infectious, and their kind words made my mood do a 360. It’s these small moments that have got me through the past eight weeks, and it’s the same small moments that will get me through my last three… they have to! So shout out to Dorris and Fumi, and all the incredible staff at Vincent Square, and of course all the relentlessly supportive and courageous patients too… without each one of whom I would have never got through these past eight weeks, thank you all so, so much.
For now, I just have to cling onto these special moments, and the hope that, as Dorris always says, ‘You be back at uni soon. You scrape that plate, you’re going back to uni, you hear me!’.
