Holding your own hope...

You may have thought I’d fallen off the face of the earth…. where’s Mima gone and is she still mending? Fear not, I’m still here and still mending. I just haven’t posted in a while because I only really write in the moment when I feel real oOmph or perhaps if I feel I have something worth sharing. And today’s your lucky day! Because today I felt real OOMPH.

Firstly I should probably set the scene as I most certainly didn’t wake up feeling like this. In fact, truth be told, quite the contrary – it was only 08:00am and tears were already falling, hope dwindling, recovery distant. ‘I can’t do today. Nothing will help. No one can help. Just forget it, go back to bed, disconnect, shut down…’ but I’ve been down this road many times before and perhaps I’m wiser now; I know where listening to that voice will take me. So, determined to not go down that route I clicked ‘join meeting’ for my usual Monday morning weigh-in call… ‘the host will soon let you in’.

‘Don’t do it Mima. Don’t do it! This most certainly won’t help you. Leave meeting repeat LEAVE MEETING!!!’.

But I stayed, I did it and 9hrs later I can see that it actually helped. Talking helped, connecting helped, not eating my tOast on the other hand actually didn’t. I know, I know it’s always the poor tOast that gets it in the neck… separating food and feelings – I’m still working on that one.

The point of this post isn’t to talk about tOast again though, it’s to share hope real HOPE… this afternoon I had a Zoom session I won’t ever forget. Sat across the screen from me was living proof that recovery IS possible. Real hope. Let me explain… after a hard morning I gathered myself and was sat in a Zoom session reflecting that I can’t afford to be thrown off track; I have my course to do in September. I said, ‘I just HAVE to get there! I want nothing more than to one day be sat opposite someone and be able to say “You CAN do it! You really can! I know you can because I have!”’. There was a pause, she looked at me across the screen and smiled, ‘I’m going to let you in on something… it is entirely possible. I know it is because… I have!’.

There in that moment was hope so big I can’t possibly put it into words. I had no idea that right in front of me was someone who hadn’t just been saying ‘it gets better’, she was living proof that it does! And she shared it with me on a day when I needed it most… I mean if that’s not some sort of power from above frankly I don’t know what is!? It was epic. There in that moment was the reminder of exactly why I must keep on, so that one day I can not only hold hope for others, but can be living proof that when you can hold it for yourself really… anything’s possible.

So it’s all possible Mima and right there at your fingertips!!! You’ve come so far now you just have to keep going!!!